How Harry Potter 4 Should Have Ended
by Ghost Wulf
Summary: “. . . But I can touch him now,” he said, stretching a long white finger towards the teen’s forehead. “Get away from me you pervert!” the boy cried, jerking his head back as far as the statue holding him would allow. Humor oneshot - Please review!


**How Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Should Have Ended**

_Written By: _**Ghost Wulf **_and _**Jack Sparrow **_(my friend, unfortunately not on this site)_

_(We changed the names of the characters in this narrative on purpose; the real people would like to remain anonymous.)_

Hairy watched apprehensively as the newly risen Lord Coldwart approached him in the graveyard.

". . . but I can touch him now," said Coldwart, stretching a long white finger towards Hairy's forehead.

"Get away from me you pervert!" cried Hairy, jerking his head back as far as the statue holding him would allow.

Lord Coldwart dropped his hand to his side and said snidely, "Oh that's real mature."

One of the Death Eaters said, with a shocked expression, "Did you just call Lord Coldwart gay?!"

"He did it himself," said Hairy indignantly. He mimicked Coldwart in a high, squeaky voice, "I can touch you now!" waving his fingers around mockingly as he spoke.

A few Death Eaters coughed to smother laughs. Coldwart turned around and shouted, "Was that you, Locus Mudbug?!"

"Uh . . . yeah," the tall Death Eater said as he pretended to cough again. "Chest cold, it's . . . chilly out here."

"Chilly?" Coldwart said in a mocking voice. "I'm the one in bare feet!"

"I have some socks you can borrow," Locus said as he held up a pair of socks. Coldwart stared at them in horror; they were striped pink, green, yellow, and blue with little ladybugs on them. "Don't Bug Me" was written in bold lettering across them and, worst of all, they were toe-sy socks!

"What are those?!" Coldwart cried.

"My comfy socks," Locus said proudly, thrusting the socks out towards Coldwart and throwing his long white/blonde hair behind his shoulders.

"None of my Death Eaters should be wearing socks like that! Why didn't you at least get black ones?"

"They didn't have any. Besides, black is such a boring color. We need different colors to express ourselves!"

"We're evil!" screeched Coldwart. "Black is our signature color, not a pair of colorful toe-sy socks!"

Hairy watched their petty argument with amazement. He had never heard of Coldwart becoming so fussy about something so trivial as a pair of socks.

It looked as if Locus Mudbug might be on the verge of tears as the argument continued. "You never like anything I do!"

Coldwart smirked. "Well, if you keep doing things out of character for a Death Eater, of course I am not going to like what you do!"

Hairy cleared his throat and they both turned to look at him. Coldwart paused in mid-sentence to Locus. Pointing a finger at Hairy in confusion he said, "Didn't I already kill you?"

"No," said Hairy slowly, wondering if Coldwart suffered from senior moments, "but if you wait too much longer, this statue is going to beat you to it. It's choking me!"

Coldwart looked back at Locus.

"Put those away and we'll deal with this later. Release the boy," Coldwart snapped, whipping out his wand. "I'm ready to kill him now!"

The statue holding Hairy released him and he fell ungracefully to the ground. Coldwart stepped back when Hairy fell and pointed his wand at the teen's chest.

A mischievous smile stole over Hairy's face as he noticed a big mistake Coldwart had made. He wouldn't need to worry about that argument about toe-sy socks later. Sliding to his feet he spread his arms wide and, holding back a laugh, said, "Hit me with your best shot!"

Coldwart blinked in surprise and confusion and almost lowered his wand. He shook off the effect of Hairy's challenge however and screamed, "Don't change the subject!"

Coldwart prepared to cast his spell when Locus Mudbug noticed suddenly the same mistake Hairy had.

"My lord – my lord! Don't – wait!" he cried desperately.

"Oh shut up Locus, or you and your toe-sy socks are next!" threatened Coldwart, not taking his eyes off Hairy.

Again, Coldwart prepared to cast his spell, but by now other Death Eaters had picked up on the mistake as well.

"_Avada _–"

"My Lord, no!" shrieked the Death Eaters who had noticed.

"Ahh! Don't interrupt my spell casting!" Then, before they could protest more he screamed, "This will teach you a lesson Potter! _Avada Kedavra_!"

And Lord Coldwart died.

Hairy walked over to his corpse and said smugly, "You're right, Coldwart. That did teach me a lesson. _Never_ hold your wand backwards."

* * *

_Authoress's Note: This is what happens when you're up all night with a friend in a cabin where there's nothing to do and all you have is a notebook and pen. XD Hope you enjoyed our craziness! Please review - we love to hear what you think!_


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